The Art of Breaking Up
Sometimes, relationships run their course. You may be at
fault or not, but when its time to bring your relationship
to an end, you want to do so cleanly and effectively. Here
are some suggestions:
1) If you have personal items at your lover's place, you
want to begin getting them back. This is much more difficult
to do after the breakup. If your lover has things around your
home, put these in a box and have them ready to move. Be thorough
- you don't want to have things left around for him/her to
need to come back for later.
2) Don't involve your friends, family, co-workers, etc.,
in the breakup. This is only between you and your mate. Adding
others to the breakup just increases the humiliation factor.
3) If you're afraid of a scene, break up at a public venue
such as a restaurant. However, don't "lure" your
soon-to-be-ex lover there under false pretenses. Explain that
you want to "talk about your relationship."
4) Don't wait until a "good time." Do it as soon
as you make the decision. Waiting only prolongs the inevitable
and makes it even more difficult. Be bold!
5) However, don't breakup on a day with special significance.
For example, don't breakup on Christmas Day, Easter, or your
ex-partner's birthday. This is cruel, and may spoil that day
for this person for many future years.
6) Don't hedge - get to the point. Be clear and specific.
Don't blame or argue, and don't prolong the event. Again I
say…be bold!
7) Don't breakup in stages! Some people; either through fear
of losing someone, or a feeling that their sparing their ex-lover's
feelings do the "series breakup". They start by
getting distant, then, they suggest that both of them see
other people, then, they stop answering the telephone, etc.
This just causes the pain to be extended for a longer period
of time than is necessary.
8) Be considerate of your ex-lover's feelings, but don't
back down. Also, don't promise to stay in touch, stay friends,
or say that maybe you can get back together after you "get
your head together". This leads to false hopes.
9) Don't unload your hurt or anger on this person. Be detached,
unemotional, and specific.
10) And Finally, don't bad-mouth your x once everything has
been resolved. Remember that old saying, "if you don't
have anything nice to say" you know the rest.
Breaking up is very difficult for both the person doing it
as well as the person getting dumped. Always remember that
you saw something special in that person when you first got
together. Regardless of what happened to cause the break up,
they are still the same person you met and have a right to
their dignity.
Be bold, be compassionate, and be truthful. Follow these guidelines,
and you have mastered the Art of Breaking up.
About the Author:
My name is Joe Vetromile, and I'm an author/screenwriter
living in So. California. I've written hundreds of articles
on the subjects of flirting, dating and breaking-up. Besides
having first hand experience with all three, my research on
the art of dating confirms to me that while the ritual of
hooking up with a soul-mate may be arduous at times, the end
result of finding that perfect someone to share the rest of
your life with, is well worth the effort.
Joe Vetromile writes for DrDating - a web site for anyone
looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles, E-Books
and links to some great dating and love sites all over the
world. DrDating also offers reviews of some of the most popular
dating sites and books.
http://www.DrDating.com
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