Helping Your Child Learn Responsible Behavior
Contd.
Self-Control
Self-control is the ability to resist inappropriate behavior
in order to act responsibly. It relates to all of the different
aspects of responsibility mentioned so far, including respect
and compassion for others, honesty, and courage. It involves
persistence and sticking to long-term commitments. It also
includes dealing effectively with emotions, such as anger,
and developing patience.
Self-Respect
People with self-respect take satisfaction in appropriate
behavior and hard-won accomplishments. They don't need to
put others down or have a lot of money in order to respect
themselves. People who respect themselves also view selfishness,
loss of self-control, recklessness, cowardice, and dishonesty
as wrong and unworthy of them. As they mature, if they have
learned the lessons of responsibility, they will develop a
good conscience to guide them.
In addition, people who respect themselves respect their
own health and safety. Similarly, they are unwilling to be
manipulated by others. Patience or tolerance does not mean
allowing others to mistreat us.
While we help children have high standards for themselves,
we also need to let them know that failure is no embarrassment
when we have done our best. For example, losing a game when
we have played our best, and our opponents have simply played
better, is no disgrace.
How Can Parents Encourage Responsible Behavior?
Everyday Experiences
Especially when they are young, children learn best about
responsibility in concrete situations. What they do and what
they witness have lasting effects. Most of the activities
described in this book are for you and your child.
We are always teaching our children something by our words
and actions. They learn from seeing. They learn from hearing.
They learn from overhearing. They learn from us, from each
other, from other adults, and by themselves.
All of us acquire habits by doing things over and over again,
whether in learning to play a musical instrument, to pick
up after ourselves, to play games and sports, or to share
with others. The best way to encourage our children to become
responsible is to act as responsibly as we can in their presence.
We must genuinely try to be the sort of people we
hope they will try to become.
We can show them by our words and by our actions that we
respect others. We can show them our compassion and concern
when others are suffering. They need to see our own
self-control, courage, and honesty. They need to learn that
we treat ourselves, as well as others, with respect, and that
we always try to do our best. As they grow older, they should
have the chance to learn why we live as we do.
Daddy, why are you leaving that note on the garbage can?
There is broken glass inside, Matthew, and I don't want
the garbage collectors to get hurt because of me. I am warning
them about the glass.
Are they your friends?
No. I don't know them.
But you don't want them to get hurt...
As our children watch us daily, as we talk to them, encouraging
their questions and trying to answer them thoughtfully, they
begin to understand us--and we begin to understand them. Understanding
each other well is the best way to teach our children respect
for our ideals of good character.
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